Limiting the Use of Lousy Labels

We sure do like to categorize things. We love to describe things with one or two defining words that we feel accurately, completely, and honestly provide explanations. It's all relative, though. And who are we to say that someone is or is not something? I wonder if feelings would be spared if our comments were started more often with, "I feel that..." or, "If I were to choose one word to describe X, it could be Z."

Here are some very basic examples of negative labeling (cognitive distortions according to professionals):
(1) "That was a bad movie."
(2) "What are you, crazy?"
(3) "The book was too long."
(4) "That's not funny."

I bet that so much goes into stereotyping and categorizing. I feel that less harm could be done if we allowed more and labeled less. I would like to take an active approach towards being less descriptive (and critical) and more accepting.

Once upon a time relatively recently, a friend of mine told someone that they wanted something better than that which was provided. The other person came off as being defensive and angry. Had my friend said, "I would like something different," instead of "better," feelings may not have been hurt.

What he meant, what she heard... sometimes, it's nice not to express yourself at all. Or explain yourself. One may sometimes be misunderstood. One may often be misunderstood. Especially when someone is trying to be funny. Comic delivery is a challenge to some. I admire those who can communicate humor without asking for delivery advice after wards. I'm often found asking people if something I said moments prior was funny or at least worth using again in the future.

More Naughty Examples:

(1) "Those people aren't very smart."
(2) "That author's books are awful."
(3) "He's short."
(4) "You're weird."

It would be nice to use the phrase, "I feel that" and either "some" or "many" in the same sentence when describing something. Less people could be offended. Keeping one's mouth shut is possibly the best way to prevent conflict. There are probably better ways. I mean different ways. That may provide different results. That are better.

Leave Me Alone (But Just Don't Leave Me)

Dreaming of Solitude. I've heard that some people may have a fear of being alone. Some people, but most people? Disregarding research, the worst way towards experiencing credibility, I consider how many people desire being in a relationship, actively date to approach the opportunity for consistent companionship, or those that keep their schedule full with dinners and drinks.

My work is very social. Most often, I am speaking with people any day that I am working. As teh evening approaches and my "free time" strikes, the last thing I often say that I want to do is socialize. Beyond the workday, while I"m not completely comfortable having weekends off, I also won't imagine spending my weekend with many people. I get paid to be social.

Don't get me wrong, in addition to my "social work," I have chosen to associate with a good number of people. While most relationships aren't deep, I have good people in my life that are easily accessible for further relationship development.

Less is more. At the rate that I"m going, I could spend eight hours a day emailing contacts and building upon relationships. If I took this route, what would come of it? Would it be better to invest that time or any time for that matter towards connecting with people in my industry, decision makers, meeting planners, etc?

I'm truly amazed at how people invest so much of their time and effort towards other people. For a moment, I consider my best friend, Vito. I've known him since 2nd grade and until most recently, we've had consistent contact. Except that one semester in college where we didn't' talk much at all.

Recently, over two months had passed without hearing from him. I wasn't disappointed nor shocked at this disappearance. We didn't grow apart. We just moved forward. Consider, the time that he could make available towards maintaining a live connection to his oldest friend, I understand why nearly no time was taken to do so.

Vito lives where he works. He's the general manager of a restaurant/bar/nightclub in the Lower East Side of NYC. He may work a lot. He has relationships with his family, friends from college, friends he's picked up along the way, and anyone and everyone he's met while working in NYC. His work, too, is social. It's probably too social. Like my work. Just with alcohol. And food. Music, too.

Prioritization 101. Am I important to Vito? Yes. Does he choose to have a lot on his plate? Yes. Is this okay with him? Yes. With me? Yes. I understand where he is and what he is going through. I can relate. That's probably why I've not reached out to him either the past few months. As my mom would ask, "Is it really necessary?" Nope.

Why? I like being alone. I am often consumed with contacts, so any chance that is taken to be alone is valuable to me. I don't need to have constant contact with people. It just happens anyway. There are too many people in my life, but at the same time, I feel that there are not enough.

My Fan Club. Social networking sites are a pleasure because I like seeing what people in my life are doing without having to ask first. Few people in my network online inquire within about me, but when they do, I like it a lot. I have a continuous desire to be thought of by people that I know. The price to pay, however, is the obligation to respond. Sometimes I think, "Leave me alone, but just don't leave me." Are you still there?

Managing Fear and Doubt to Experience Positive Change

My perspective on the purse... Most of us have money. It's located in our purses, wallets, checking or saving accounts, IRAs, retirement plans, or coffee cans. Good for us. We've made some good choices: earning income, investing income, and saving income.

Now what?

If you've been aware of what's happening in our country, you may be holding onto a specific perspective that may be making you feel bad. And that perspective is probably based on fear and doubt.

Fear and doubt about your current earnings, savings, and costs of living. Fear and doubt about your employment situation. Fear and doubt about the potential of choosing to make significant life changes.

For a brief moment, I would like you to challenge yourself in wiping away any and all thoughts that you currently have about your condition and situation. Just let everything go.

Now, believe for a moment that what you think affects how you feel. Believe that only you have the choice to think good or bad thoughts about something.

Take another moment, and think positive thoughts about the economy, your job, your income, your money, your expenses, and all of the stuff that is required to exist as a human being without a trust fund.

Consider these six thoughts: (1) I am grateful for my situation and know it could be worse. (2) I am happy with my current condition and intend to actively improve my life and situation. (3) Money is easily attainable if one invests in earning it. (4) Facing reality, I am prepared to make positive changes that would allow me to simplify my life and focus on the things that matter most. (5) While money isn't everything, I will be making more of it very soon. (6) Rather than feel badly about myself, I will take some time and think about those less fortunate then me.

Don't you feel good now? I do.

Now, I'm not one to criticize fear and doubt. In fact, I understand that it often protects us from making hasty decisions or stupid mistakes. Beyond your basic survival tactics, however, why beat yourself up by thinking bad thoughts about things you can change in your life? If I had $1.00 for each negative thought Americans have had based on fear and doubt, I bet (not much, though - I know how to diversify) I could earn enough to take care of thousands of people very well for many years to come.

Take advantage of fear and doubt. Use it to improve your condition and change your situation. You've probably heard of the expression: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Make fear and doubt your best friends, write them a "thank you" card, and work with them on improving your life today. Do yourself a favor. No matter what happens in your life. Try to think positive. I know it's not easy, but why change your lifestyle for a moment when you can change your life? Use fear and doubt to motivate you to make positive changes right now.

Fighting Biology

"What do you think of this book title?" It's a question that I've probably asked over 100 people during the past 10 months. It's been nearly a year of enjoyable brainstorming and I'm finally ready to move on to something new. Clearly I wasn't committed to writing a health book because I wasn't committed to even writing an article on the subject. Or even a blog. I did come up with an outline, however.

Okay, I get it folks. Americans don't want to work towards improving their health, their careers, or their relationships unless it's super easy. That's fine. And I understand if many people wouldn't be motivated to buy a book with the words "work," "managing," "health," and "full-time job" in it. One's addiction to fighting biology keeps personal coaches and professional speakers employed. And for those people who don't recruit nor hire qualified professionals to help reach optimal health, experience job satisfaction, or improve relationships, what happens to them and their organizations?

Life goes on. Work goes on. Love, too. (But what about the biology?) The biology! Do you recall learning about the Survival of the Fittest? Natural Selection? I'd be the first to admit to earning a "C" in biology in high school, but I do recall the interesting stuff. And from personal experience, I know very well that one can only fight biology for so long. Here's the top six challenges I've often faced while attempting to be productive, work, and build my career:


1) Nutrition: Biology says, "Eat now." My response: "Soon."
2) Digestion: Biology says, "Now!" My response: "In 60 seconds."
3) Nutrition: Biology says, "Eat again now." My response: "So soon?"
4) Fitness: Biology says, "Move now." My response: "Even more?"
5) Nutrition: Biology says, "Eat more now." My response: "Again?"
6) Exhaustion: Biology says, "Sleep now." My response: "Later."

The list can continue on including relaxation, stress management, and body-maintenance strategies. Often while attempting to focus on productivity, my biology has reminded me that life management if not about self-management or work/life balance. Life management is based on survival and biology. The other stuff is lifestyle management.

When it comes to "fighting biology," physical survival is just the first chapter of the big, scary topic. I'm mentally prepared to begin divulging what I have in mind for the next part, but biology is telling me, "Sleep, Jared." How do we ever get anything done these days? "Sleep, Jared." To sleep, "per chance to dream?" Well, that's productive, too, so count me in!

Time Management is a Myth

While speaking on behalf of Monster.com, one of the key components of one of my motivational speeches was time management. I shared with audiences the perception that time was more valuable than money. I even worked with them on proving how valuable time is compared to the dollar. Money management, however, is pretty easy. One considers what they have and they make specific choices. Even budgets are created based on what people have. The individual has the power to control their money however they wish to control it. Money management makes sense to me. Cents, too, if one makes smart choices. Easy.

Here's where I'm stuck: it's time management that now baffles me. You see, whether or not we like it, time goes by. Time is a resource that is abundant like flowing water in a stream. You can't turn it off. You can't manage it. And sure, it can stop at any... time. There are experts in "time management" and professional speakers who focus upon the subject. Yet, can one manage something that can't be touched, traded, modified, or saved?

Imagine you've got an entire weekend. You've got two days and plenty of time. Time, mind you, that will pass before you whether or not you attempt to manage it. I wouldn't bother trying to manage your time, anyway. The solution, mind you, is to firstly, put aside the expression, "time management," and focus on what you may actually be doing - managing your actions. While I would consider using the phrase, "priority management," I know from experience that priorities aren't necessarily important tasks. I feel that priorities are often just really important objectives with no deadline.

Why didn't "action management" become popular? Why did "time management" win the popularity contest? Don't get me wrong. I have a deep love for time and a very personal relationship with it. I just don't attempt to control or manage it given that I understand its needs. All it needs is to just keep going. Like most relationships in my life, when it comes to my relationship with time, I apply understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness, and we get along well. Time's up!

Professional Speakers are Like Superheroes

The second question a speaker is often asked if they don't explain what they do initially is, "What's your topic?" This is a question that has baffled me for years while growing my speaking business. If my topics are marketing, management, and motivation, I can always include change, creativity, entrepreneurship, self-management, relationships, or writing. And more. I understand why we must focus on one or two topics, but so many of them are interrelated.

When I think of professional speakers (most speakers motivate during many of their talks anyway, you know), I relate them to superheroes because they have the ability to make big impacts in the lives of many. Have you ever met a superhero known for only helping one person at a time? Saving only one life at a time? I have not.

Speakers have a variety of skills that often far exceed those of a traditional expert or leader. Speakers have hidden "utility belts" with tools that can inspire, educate, and challenge both good and evil.

To remain competitive, speakers are often encouraged to have very specific topics and to be focused in a specific niche. They are even supported in creating their own niche, if possible. You may find someone like Mike Rayburn, "The World's Funniest Guitar Virtuoso." This is a superhero with whom I've had the pleasure of working and besides having great character and communication skills, he's got a powerful weapon as well as the unique ability to use it competitively.

We've got professional speakers whose topics include inspiration and motivation. Speakers like Jackie Pflug who survived death during an airplane terrorist attack or W Mitchell who survived both a motorcycle accident as well as a plane crash. These passionate and talented individuals can probably relate their experiences to anyone who has faced challenges big or small.

These days, I feel that many people consider themselves authors and many less consider themselves professional speakers. The National Speakers Association continues to support experts who speak without ignoring the others who speak. At what point, however, does a person become an expert? How many degrees, publications, books, or years of experience is necessary to save the day? Sometimes, I bet the question decision makers ask is not, "Which expert is available to speak?" but, "Which speaker is available?" Even superheroes can't be in two places at the same time.

Which reminds me - I've got to get to work. If you need me, use the signal.