Ending an Abusive Relationship With E-mail

In Timothy Ferriss' book, The 4-Hour Work Week, he suggested that a reader who is serious about saving time to try out a rare concept: checking e-mail twice a day. Ten in the morning and four in the afternoon worked for him at one point. This idea sounded great to me and I even tried it out twice on two separate occasions. While it worked out quite well those two days, I had always resorted back to the old strategy: checking my e-mail as many times as possible each day and responding to many of the e-mails I had received as often as well. Until recently.

I've recently been working on getting myself out of a bad relationship with my e-mail account. As e-mails come in these days, I greet them, welcome them to my Inbox, and read them, but don't immediately respond. I'm working on logging in less often and reading less e-mails, too. It's going to be a gradual process for me to change my behavior. Can you relate to any of these warning signs?

Warning Sign #1: Checking E-mail Too Many Times Each Day

Checking my e-mail a ridiculous number of times each day may have started in 2002. I never wanted to miss out on my next business opportunity, so I chose to login often. Looking back, I now realize that rather than waiting passively for my next opportunity (by proactively clicking "reload"), I could have invested more of my time creating my own next opportunity. Logging in often rarely led me to "lucking out" often.

Warning Sign #2: Opening and Reading Every E-mail

I've occasionally toyed with the idea of allowing an e-mail or two sit in my Inbox without opening it. Maybe for a moment, an hour, or a day. I have probably never done this, however, because each e-mail has been valued like a birthday card: "It doesn't matter what day it is, Mom. I want to open it now! Yay!"

Warning Sign #3: Immediately Responding to E-mails

It wasn't until I read Ferriss' book that I realized that I also had the tendency to respond to people's emails immediately and often. I'm talking about nearly every e-mail that I read from someone I knew and especially a new contact. No matter the time of day and no matter the topic, if I was at a computer, I chose to make myself available to respond. Business e-mail? "Yes, I'm still in work mode - it will only take a moment," I would tell myself. Personal e-mail? "I'm just taking a break - it will only take a moment."

Nonsense!

The moments added up and if I were to compile the amount of time I've spent logging in, checking, reading, and responding to e-mails, I could use that time to write my next three books. Do you know what happens when you respond to someone's e-mail? You usually get a response! And I bet you know what happens next. Chain reactions can get heavy, you know.

E-mails between friends sometimes lead to a snowball effect of notes shared between the two writers. Throw in the potential for comments that lack specifics and you've got more reasons to write back. Also, consider the e-mails one receives that offer new business opportunities but lack some important details. They may lead to requesting clarification via... e-mail! And let's not forget about the e-mails where she read one thing, you meant another, and it was only because what she wrote you thought meant something else.

How do we win here? Structure. Self-control. Discipline. Saying, "No!"

Who's hurting who the most? Is your e-mail account the bad guy here or is it you? Either way, if you can relate to this unhealthy relationship, only you have the power to get out of it. Your e-mail account is unable and unwilling to mend the relationship.

I met Timothy Ferriss briefly in August at the National Speakers Association national convention in NYC. He had just given a presentation on marketing and social networking and was in an elevator. It stopped on the floor I was on and the door opened. The elevator was packed and he was facing in with his arms spread out. I asked, "Is that Timothy Ferriss?" It was. I told him I enjoyed his presentation, introduced myself, shook his hand, and told him I'd send him an e-mail. I also noted that I understood that it may be weeks before he would respond.

Would you believe that I never actually wrote him that e-mail I said I would write? It turns out that his advice in cutting back on e-mail can eventually work. Try it out for yourself and be sure to let me know how it goes. Right now! But write later.