Leave Me Alone (But Just Don't Leave Me)

Dreaming of Solitude. I've heard that some people may have a fear of being alone. Some people, but most people? Disregarding research, the worst way towards experiencing credibility, I consider how many people desire being in a relationship, actively date to approach the opportunity for consistent companionship, or those that keep their schedule full with dinners and drinks.

My work is very social. Most often, I am speaking with people any day that I am working. As teh evening approaches and my "free time" strikes, the last thing I often say that I want to do is socialize. Beyond the workday, while I"m not completely comfortable having weekends off, I also won't imagine spending my weekend with many people. I get paid to be social.

Don't get me wrong, in addition to my "social work," I have chosen to associate with a good number of people. While most relationships aren't deep, I have good people in my life that are easily accessible for further relationship development.

Less is more. At the rate that I"m going, I could spend eight hours a day emailing contacts and building upon relationships. If I took this route, what would come of it? Would it be better to invest that time or any time for that matter towards connecting with people in my industry, decision makers, meeting planners, etc?

I'm truly amazed at how people invest so much of their time and effort towards other people. For a moment, I consider my best friend, Vito. I've known him since 2nd grade and until most recently, we've had consistent contact. Except that one semester in college where we didn't' talk much at all.

Recently, over two months had passed without hearing from him. I wasn't disappointed nor shocked at this disappearance. We didn't grow apart. We just moved forward. Consider, the time that he could make available towards maintaining a live connection to his oldest friend, I understand why nearly no time was taken to do so.

Vito lives where he works. He's the general manager of a restaurant/bar/nightclub in the Lower East Side of NYC. He may work a lot. He has relationships with his family, friends from college, friends he's picked up along the way, and anyone and everyone he's met while working in NYC. His work, too, is social. It's probably too social. Like my work. Just with alcohol. And food. Music, too.

Prioritization 101. Am I important to Vito? Yes. Does he choose to have a lot on his plate? Yes. Is this okay with him? Yes. With me? Yes. I understand where he is and what he is going through. I can relate. That's probably why I've not reached out to him either the past few months. As my mom would ask, "Is it really necessary?" Nope.

Why? I like being alone. I am often consumed with contacts, so any chance that is taken to be alone is valuable to me. I don't need to have constant contact with people. It just happens anyway. There are too many people in my life, but at the same time, I feel that there are not enough.

My Fan Club. Social networking sites are a pleasure because I like seeing what people in my life are doing without having to ask first. Few people in my network online inquire within about me, but when they do, I like it a lot. I have a continuous desire to be thought of by people that I know. The price to pay, however, is the obligation to respond. Sometimes I think, "Leave me alone, but just don't leave me." Are you still there?