Dating: Invest in the Best

In response to Evan Marc Katz's Blog, "Who Pays For The First Date?"

Great blog, great responses. Thank you for sharing everyone. I have a few thoughts I'd like to share, which are based purely on my preferences and priorities:

(1) Financial Responsibility. Anyone who forgets their wallet or to bring cash may appear to be financially irresponsible and unprepared. If a date were to attempt to grab the check, I'd ask her about her intentions, and make light of the situation. After all, we're new friends and open communication would be required. "Whatcha doin?," I'd ask. I'd then ask her why she was interested in either paying or splitting. Would I pay, though? Yes. Would I like that? If I really like her, I'd even give her an AMEX gift card as well as a "thank you" for taking the time to meet with me. I would be grateful.

(2) Competitive Advantage. I have the feeling that many of us forget about the competitive nature of dating in the 21st century. Unlike in the past, the number of people we can meet and date now is abundant. If I meet a woman I'm wild about and don't remain competitive by showing generosity with regard to my time, money, and heart, I will lose out on courting her. It's nothing personal, it's just the business-like nature of dating. If she has two gentleman callers, both of whom are attractive, funny, and smart, and both of whom share wonderful chemistry with the woman, guess which one she'll go for most? The one who values generosity, security, and "investing in the best." Let's face it, money is not bad at all. It provides freedom and flexibility. Who doesn't want that?

(3) Invest in the Best. For many years, I had had a negative attitude towards dating and the investment required. Why do you think that is? Aside from being raised a certain way with regard to money ("it's hard to make," "you don't need to spend it," "save it just in case," "is it really necessary?," etc.), I recently realized that the reason I was against paying for dates was because I was dating women that weren't right for me. You put me in touch with an awesome woman that I can't wait to meet and I would GLADLY drop $100 on a date. Present me with a nice woman who's a time-filling distraction in my attempts to meet a life-long partner, and I will resent both her and the Starbucks at which we meet.

Perceptions, preferences, and priorities. Which are yours and what are you waiting for? Invest in the Best!

Which of Your Goals are You Most Committed to Today?

What you want to do, be, or have can easily change from one moment to another. Today, you may decide that you want to jog 3-4 times each week for the rest of the year. Tomorrow, you may change your mind and determine that you'd rather walk seven days a week instead. Shift happens. We have the freedom to decide if and when we wish to shift our preferences from one thing to another. While this flexibility can be wonderful, it can also provide us with excuses and justifications that prevent us from doing what we really would ideally like to do. Without accountability, we'll continue changing our minds about what we know we really want.

In a perfect world, many of us would want to be, have, or do whatever we have always wanted for years - right now. Now! Since we are often encouraged to work towards reaching our goals, how fast we get there is based on our intentions as well as our efforts. That stuff is the easy part. The challenge is the distraction factor. We tend to be consistently faced with more messages, opportunities, projects, and ideas as we go along. Also, in some instances, while we're being more productive than we were years ago, we're also fighting a lot more distractions.

Why do some people choose to not even make a list of things to do in the morning? Why don't they make a list of things to do the night before that morning? Why aren't some people actively contributing towards being more organized, planning better, and being more accountable to themselves, their lives, and their objectives? Fear, lack of ambition, laziness, comfort, convenience... which of these represent your badge of dishonor?

A Perfect Health Care Plan on The Perfect Day

Imagine this! I wake up in the morning without an alarm clock. I have a healthy breakfast at the beach. I go for a jog for 30-minutes, do yoga for 30-minutes, and do resistance weight training at my local gym for 30-minutes. I do some writing for an hour. I prepare a healthy lunch and eat it. I read for an hour. I receive an hour full-body massage. I get a chiropractic adjustment. I practice my presentation skills. I correspond with people via e-mail. I prepare for dinner and a show. I have dinner and see a show with a special woman. We spend the remainder of the evening sharing intimacy and building upon our long-term serious relationship and go to sleep at a reasonable hour, providing us with 7-8 hours of interrupted sleep. Why isn't everyone doing this? My reading, writing, and practicing was actually my work for the day and while it was only three hours, there is no limitation if I were to get rolling in creativity and progress well in the moment.

That was that, this is how it is for many others... In the morning, most Americans have to prepare for work, so they don't make much time before working 8-4 or 9-5. Lunch is often not lunch time or spent at their desk or at a fast-food joint given the lack of time they have to eat a great lunch. 15-minutes to get to the restaurant, 5 minutes to use the restroom, 10 minutes to select and buy the food, 15 minutes to eat, 15 minutes to get back to the office. After work, they're focused on returning home, running errands, preparing for or ordering and eating dinner, and preparing for the next day while vegging out in front of the TV because they've been on the go in body and mind all day and just - want - to - relax. The less time we make to eat healthier and to be healthier, the less time we'll have to enjoy our lives. And for some, pain-free and disease-free lives.

I've got to ask you this: when are traditional employees most happy? Before work (breakfast), during their lunch break if they choose to take one and break away from the office (lunch), and after work (dinner). Did you ever notice how many people are most happy when they're eating? Did you ever notice that that may very well be the reason why 2/3 of our population are overweight? Why 1/4 are obese? Let's get to work and change that.

Marketing is Showing That You Really Care

Nickels was right. My marketing professor in college emphasized the fact that marketing is all about relationships. Not relationships you'll have until a product is purchased or a service activated. Not relationships that are started with excitement, joy, and pleasure and fade away when new ones are created. "Marketing is the creation and maintenance of mutually-beneficial relationships," Nickels taught thousands of Maryland business school grads over the years. Maintenance is the key. This is similar to saying that it's nice that you have 500 friends, though how many of them do you know personally? Whose birthday is coming up? Do you know everyone's last name? These details show authentic care in a truly authentic and well-developed relationship.

Harvey Mackay, one of the world's best-selling authors and motivational speakers developed a system called the "Mackay 66." The system was pretty simple - it entailed profiles for everyone you know based on 66 aspects of individuals' lives. Where they're from, who they're involved with, the names of their children, their birthdates, what they like to do for fun, what their business objectives are, who they work for and with, etc. What good is having 500 people in your social network when all they are to you are potentially distracting, light associations, subtle memory-makers, and people with whom you shared some life experiences?

Marketing is essentially love. If you don't truly care about your potential clients' current condition, past history, and future goals, why bother wasting your time? Basically, why go out of your way and take the time of 500 people to have coffee when you can invest in them and have dinner? This isn't an issue of quantity vs. quality. I'm not suggesting that you select 10% and invest in your relationships with them and disregard the others. I'm attempting to make some people realize that fruitless associations aren't helping anyone beyond their egos. And fruit salad.

I'm connected to 100 people with whom I went to high school, 30 people of whom I went to college, 200 UMaryland alumni in San Diego, 100 marketing people, and another 70 or so people I've met along the way. 500 people. 500 relationships. While I know a lot of people, I don't know them that well. They currently represent connections I've made in the past which allow me to reminisce in the present. From a business perspective, little has come from these associations. I've had no expectations, so I'm not blaming anyone for anything. These light associations have been nice. Very nice.

It's time to develop these relationships, or focus heavily on creating new ones. With regard to the challenge of gaining new clients, it's been said that it's easier to keep a client than get a new one, so would that apply here? Is it easier to make new friends compared to developing friendships with people you already know? It doesn't hurt to try. It does hurt if you're disorganized and don't have a system in place to take advantage of the precious time that you have to do so. This is why relationship management systems are valuable. We have the power to decide whom to focus upon with regard to our futures and whom to reach out to for memories. Think about the long-term value of the relationship and not just the long-term value of the customer. Build new relationships or develop old ones today.

Treating Your Health Like It's Your Job

It is so easy for me not to exercise when I'm on the road. The fitness center is there. In the hotel, in the area, but not in my mind. After a day of being active working (and standing a lot), when the evening comes, I feel justified in not formally exercising. "Tomorrow," I think to myself. Tomorrow, however, is another day of travel. Upon landing and reorganizing my stuff, I determine that it's not a priority. Again. "Tomorrow," I think to myself. I bet it's even more challenging when you have family obligations. I've got no excuse there when I'm in San Diego.

This year has been a risky one for me. I've been treating my health like it's my job and I've been under evaluation since January like a temp-to-hire employee at UCSD. I signed up to be in a "position" where I would actively focus and act upon eating better, jogging, doing resistance work at the gym, doing yoga, getting massages, getting chiropractic, improving my thinking process, and educating myself on how to reach optimum health. I'm approaching my nine-month review and things are looking good, but not great.

I signed up for an opportunity to consistently contribute towards a better life; to be consistent in my activities related to improving my health. I've given myself entire days and weeks - eight hours or more each day - to reach my objectives. Like it was my job.

But I have wonderful excuses, Boss. Every week since the first week of July I've been heavily involved in other commitments. A marketing program, a speaker's convention, a family member visit to San Diego, a week of searching for a condo to purchase, a trip to NYC. Lot's of great opportunities and experiences. Every week. Consistently for six weeks.

It's time to review my position and implement planning, discipline, and accountability. It's time to maintain priorities as commitments. Oh, and it's time for a healthy breakfast.

Why Don't Your Parents Make Millions of Dollars?

All I ever wanted was to be a motivational speaker and best-selling published author. That was it. I had no intentions of a future filled with a wife, children, a house, a dog, a lawn, a boat, a membership to a country club. No travel plans. Just my employment goals. Why is that? Beats me. Either I was a slow learner or I wasn't raised, educated, or trained to plan my future beyond getting a solid college education that would prepare me for a job.

Why didn't I ever visualize or even think about the type of home I would own? Where I would live? Whom I would marry and with whom I would raise a family? My high school family health class was interesting and fun, but I didn't connect it to my own life. It was just a course. Of course.

I'm reading a book called "Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled - and More Miserable Than Ever Before." I don't recall being taught that I could be, do, or having anything I wanted, though. I also don't recall being heavily educated about economics, finance, quality of life issues, and cost of living considerations. Even in college, while growing up and growing out, no direct life planning was done. I did what everyone was doing. Enjoying the best four years of my life (at the time), learning a lot about stuff and myself, and winning friends and influencing people.

So recently, I learn about thinking processes and how what we think about affects our emotions and how that leads to stuff happening - all while taking action. With regard to my own thinking over the years, it appears as though I was raised to believe that it's hard to make money, that money is a scarce asset in our world, and that having a lot of money (i.e. freedom and flexibility) isn't really necessary. Things are fine just the way the are and we'll get by just fine. Have I never wanted anything at all other than an exciting and impactful job because I felt I didn't need anything else? Because I didn't want anything else? Perhaps my goals of being an author and speaker were so precise that I knew that the wealth that would come by making an impact in the lives of millions would provide me with anything I wanted. If so, that wasn't my motivation. All I ever wanted was to be... to do.... to work.

The Importance of Connecting with People in Person

Are alumni events even necessary? Is spending time in person with old and new friends really that important in our media- and technology-driven society? Maybe online social networking web sites are where we're headed.

I was recently in NYC and spent a few hours with a friend I've known since nursery school. I asked her why we made the effort to get together for ice cream that day. For me, it involved the choice of waiting 30 minutes for an express bus, a 30-minute bus ride, and a 15-minute train ride. And that was just one way. For she, a walk and a train ride was all she endured. After asking my insensitive question and her appearing disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm in investing in face-to-face time together, her only response was related to the experience: having fun. I agreed with her. We did have a good time together. Other than that fact, sure, it was nice being in person with her and connecting with her like we used to do when the convenience and comfort of cell phones and e-mail weren't apart of our lives. And yes, it's a personal preference of mine to be in person with whom I'm speaking. Like outside sales. Or professional speaking.

How is my decision-making process affected when I know it could take an hour to even meet that person - in person? A telephone call would have been more efficient. An e-mail would have been more effective. A hand-written card would have been personal as well. Meeting in person, though? That sounds expensive - taking up precious time to break away from the comforts of my computer and the enjoyment of needing little effort to use a cell phone from any location in the world.

When I think about our University of Maryland San Diego Alumni Club, I attempt to think about the 1,000 alumni in our area. I ask myself, "What would motivate these people to physically attend an event?" With work, family, friends, interests, volunteering, fitness, and familiar fun, why would an Alumnus make the effort to connect with people who also attended the same school? You tell me; what's your excuse? Why do you feel people attend Alumni events across the nation?