Compatability May One Day be Compromised

Compromise Now, Divorce Later
I feel that when it comes to choosing a life partner, compromising one's values prior to marriage will more likely lead to the collapse of a relationship. I would suggest compromising after you've decided to spend the rest of your life with a person and not before. If you want to give in prior to marriage, you may want to get out of marriage later as well. I wonder... if we all prioritized, remained genuinely positive and hopeful, and were comfortable with being alone until we met the perfect but fallible person for us (even if this meant weeks, months, or even years), would most of us end up with the best type of partners? Furthermore, would the US average divorce rate be significantly lower as well?

Compatability Now, Compromise Later
Wouldn't you agree that compatability is never guaranteed? Of course, people change, and the person you marry now may not be the person you divorce later. Or you may change, and they may not. Or maybe you both will change significantly. So ultimately, should we view love, life, and loss like this?: Both the surf and the surfers will always be the same - often changing. Therefore, we must determine when we're ready to ride the wave and manage the realities of human nature. There is no single formula or solution to "saving a relationship" because the variables are unique and often transforming. Go with the flow.

Celebrating 5 Years in San Diego!

Exactly five years ago to the very day (5/12/02), I moved to San Diego. The last five years have been the best years of my life. Each day, I fall more and more in love with this city. While I do tend to travel, especially to NYC every other month or so, I now deeply miss SD when I'm away. My family occassionally asks me if I'll ever return to the East coast permanently. No matter what may happen, I'll always have a place in San Diego to live because I have never lived more than I do on a daily basis here in "America's Finest City."

Disappointed? Don't be like them

My best friend shared with me his disappointment with people he's recently been trying to work with towards a better future. This is my response to his personal blog that he posted today...

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Both you and the people who've disappointed you probably share equal blame, Vito.

THEM: What's wrong with you people? Have faith! Do something new!

I feel that the people whom you've spoken with have truly had good intentions based on your initial influence of making things happen together. You've been able to inspire people to consider the possibilities of mutually-beneficial relationships, but when you leave their side, their motivation seems to evaporate. Does this sound familiar? This is what motivators face in their careers. Life coaches, business advisors, consultants, entrepreneurs, etc. It's what keeps them employed sometimes, too.

Our audience members, that is, those people we attempt to influence, to motivate, to educate, and to inspire, may face two options when thinking of the future and doing anything based on our words: "Fear" or "Faith." It's fear that keeps them where they are: inactive. When it comes to a partnership of any kind with anyone, fear may be blocking them from taking action and moving forward with what you refer to as great potential.

Understand, forgive, and accept these people and move on to find new people with whom to share success. Face reality and get over it - cleanse yourself. Then, seek new and exciting relationships with people who have faith when it comes to doing whatever it is you want to do with them.

YOU: What are you waiting for? Have faith! Do something new!

Someone once said something about mental illness and progress - if you're doing something over and over and not getting the results you desire, you're not well, so try doing something new. Clearly whatever you're doing is not working out for you. You know what you have to do. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Have faith. Take action. Be proactive. Don't depend on other people. This is your life. You have the vision, so what are you waiting for?

From my perspective, you're investing your time, effort, and heart in the wrong people and following in their footsteps: having fear rather than faith, being inactive, and not implimenting innovative ways to reach the level of success that you desire. For people you don't admire, you come off as if you were their #1 fan. Don't be like them.

Friendship Isn't For Everyone

Friendship Isn't For Everyone

I feel that self-interest is the foundation for many aspects of life. Beyond the traditional need for attention, need to be accepted, and need to connect with others, an authentic friendship will always have benefits. You can't be everything to everybody. I personally disagree with the saying that one can never have too many friends. He who says that probably doesn't remember your birthday. I say, you can never have too many associates in your personal network. I feel that friendship must include a level of love. If it doesn't, it's not a friendship. If there's disrespect, fear, or hate, it's not a friendship.

When an association has more costs or detriments than benefits, I strongly suggest to eliminate the relationship immediately. From my experience, even in close, personal relationships, it is often accepted to withhold from open-communication, respect, and creating and maintaining expectations and accountability. People often don't want to cause conflict, create arguments, or face the realities of human nature. Requirements aside, it all comes down to one powerful question: "Does this person make me feel good, contribute to my life, and impact me in a positive way?"