Goals: All He Ever Wanted Was To Be A Motivational Speaker

During high school, my number one goal was to attend a fine establishment in higher education. It turned out that The University of Maryland would be my ultimate choice. In college, my only goal, which was a career goal, upon breaking free of my youth was to be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. That’s it. When I graduated, I entered the “real world” and it was very much like a “free world.” I had the most freedom and flexibility ever at that point in my life. I could live anywhere, try anything (reasonable, reasonably-priced, and really necessary), and progress towards reaching my long-term goals at my leisure. This adventurous period in my life motivated me to push my career goals further into the future. I traveled a bit, I experienced a variety of entrepreneurial adventures, and I landed a job with a dot-com on Broadway near Times Square. Life was neat and interesting.

As years would go by, I would continue living the life of a bachelor: moving to California with nothing more than a piano keyboard and a duffle bag, focusing on productivity and interesting experiences, and landing opportunities to write books and give speeches. Life was good. I was happier than I was during those “best four years of my life” we often hear about. I am very grateful for the successes that I’ve experienced thus far in my life. I have virtually reached goals of mine years ahead of schedule. I’m nearing my five-year anniversary of moving to San Diego and as I look back, I’m impressed with everything I’ve done and satisfied with the choices that I made each day, week, month, and year.

And then it hits me: what the hell have I been doing? Reflecting on that one goal that I had in college – the only solid, big goal in life I’ve had since graduation, why didn’t I make building a career as an author and speaker a priority from day one? Why didn’t I continue my commitment to becoming a great communicator with a growing business? It was so easy to change my priorities because I didn’t value immediately starting my career. I valued adventure, new experiences, traveling, and attempting entrepreneurship on a new level. What I clearly didn’t value at the time was doing what was supposedly necessary to become an author and speaker. I didn’t write much and didn’t speak much for anyone.

Why not? Well, the excuses one could use are 1) who would hire a young cat with a finance degree as a writer or author? 2) who would hire a recent college grad to speak to them? Those aren’t my excuses. And I also won’t use the excuse, “It’s best for established, successful people to become authors and motivational speakers than recent college grads or young professionals.” Excuses don’t exist in my book (no pun intended). I had choices and those that I stuck with involved welcoming the opportunities for writing and speaking while exploring work and life during my adventurous stage.

2007 brings a new chapter into my life. As I’m quickly reintroduced to self-help leaders, motivational speakers, and philosophies such as the Law of Attraction, I remember how much pleasure I got out of listening to speakers, reading personal development books, and fantasizing about being a motivational speaker myself. Okay, I never fantasized what it would be like, but knew I would like it and want to do it often. I look back and realize that I’ve disregarded personal and professional development based on my level of satisifaction for years. And then right before I’m ready to “eat, drink, and sleep” education and growth, I then recall something else.

All I ever really wanted was to be a motivational speaker. I never had any other goal in any other area of my life: academic, personal, physical, professional, or social. I considered getting an MBA in 2004. I’ve wanted to visit a few US cities and a few countries. I’ve wanted to be in the best shape of my life. And I’ve wanted to have quality relationships with my family, friends, and a special woman. Most of these are your run-of-the-mill goals. I’m talking about significant, long-term, big-daddy goals like what I would want to own (do you want homes, boats, cars, stock, or horses?), who I would want to spend the rest of my life with (who is the right person for me? What type of relationship do I want?), and how I’d want to raise a family (how would things have to be to consider having children?).

I’ve only been focused on personal experiences and work. Fun, exciting, social, work that has fulfilled me in so many ways. I’ve never had any serious financial goals nor any retirement plans. That silly comment of mine years ago, “Make a million by 26 and retire at 35,” wasn’t a real goal; it just sounded nice. The freedom and flexibility that I’ve allowed myself to enjoy made me forget about the big picture. I was used to not knowing what opportunities would present themselves the next day, week, or month, and was okay with that. For someone so organized, and thorough, I wonder why I didn’t realize that setting other long-term goals besides work-related initiatives would have been a smart thing to do.

Up until recently, I’ve never wanted to have a family. This was because I perceived having a family as being the father who works at the office and comes home to his children. The father who deals with the strollers and diapers, the commute, the 9-5 lifestyle and a true “night life,” which is what you get if you work and don’t enjoy your life during the day. I’ve never wanted children – in that capacity. Now, if you ask me what it would take to have a family, I can take a moment and fantasize about what would be required. Doing so allows me to realize that I can paint the picture however I want and the way that is best for me. Imagining I’ve reached my career goals and have met someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with, yes, I would be glad to raise a family.

It seems as though visualizing is an efficient way to start setting goals. And then, working backwards with what you want is an effective way to make smart choices. For example, another reason I never wanted to have children is because I never met anyone special enough to have a long-term, serious relationship. Why? I didn’t know how to go about doing that. Once again, I was a child in a candy store with a few bucks to spend and no time-frame on how much time to spend in the store. Working backwards, if I would inately want children, I would have to find the perfect partner. If I have to find the perfect partner, I have to start making smarter choices each day in finding that person. It’s time to start prioritizing, simplifying, and challenging myself to invest in the best. My new goal is to start being honest with myself, which will lead to making better choices for me and everyone involved. Life is still neat and about to get much more interesting, honestly.

Focus: Try Using Distractions as Your Competitive Advantage

While attending The University of Maryland, I recall that one of the best places to study was in the dining hall on North Campus called The Diner. At times, this location was surprisingly more adequate to my learning needs even compared to my quiet, 12"x15" single room on the fifth floor of Elicott Hall. The memory of a consistent hum of noise and people scurrying through the large dining area has led me to consider that perhaps I had a gift: successfully absorbing information in a dining room full of distractions. Different faces, a variety of exciting food combinations, and opportunities for social advancement hardly had the chance to hold me back from academically enjoying the benefits and comfort of a consistent flow of energy in that place. I remained focused and was able to accomplish a good deal of work compared to my room in my residence hall. While room 5138 was a safe haven perfect for studying at times, it was better for composing a creative song that would one day be apart of a Broadway musical, or devising a plan to become famous by appearing as a modest best-selling author.

One could think that while my room was quiet, nearby were distractive toys like a computer with a powerful internet connection, or a piano keyboard just waiting to be tampered with, or a hallway full of residents that could use advice (or supplies) me, their Resident Assistant. I don't recall having the urge to play a diddy while studying for an economics exam. Nor do I recall the urgency to check my e-mail while memorizing equations, though it must have happened at times. Simply put, for some fundamental reason, the days I studied there, the dining hall gave me a fresh perspective and the energy that I might have secretly craved in order to easily reach my goals. Common distractions and the accompanying energy that was provided allowed me to focus.

While that secret "dining hall" power of mine was enjoyable, I did experience a deeper focus when in my room while writing papers. Everything else in my life would vanish during those few hours of work. That level of focus was a real treat to experience after I finished working. I would look back and think to myself, "Wow, my life was completely based on this project and nothing else mattered." I never neglected other priorities while focusing on an academic project to the best of my ability, but the level of focus was easy to acknowledge. That was then, this is now.

Now, it seems as though my "real world" projects are easier than school work. The project-based work that I do doesn't require great focus. When I write books, however, focusing is required but the grading structure isn't as demanding as it was in college. Aside from writing, most of the projects I'm involved in include other team members and they've got some great energy I use to my advantage. While my work is rather easy and rarely do I experience a challenge, my greatest flaw is lacking focus on my life in the future. Aside from my one goal in college of being a best-selling author and motivational speaker, I didn't consider any other specific goals. After graduating from Maryland, I was focused more on gaining experience and productivity than on immediately building upon my career. Additionally, work aside, I completely disregarding the idea of creating other long-term goals and focusing on working towards meeting them. It was neither a fear of success or fear of failure that kept me from creating goals. I never took the initiative to plan ahead or even fantasize or daydream about a life I would desire. I was comfortable just focusing on current productivity.

Much time has passed and I've come to a new chapter in my life. Looking back on the past seven years, I've dabbled in the dot-com experience, entrepreneurship, writing books, giving speeches, building brands, activating marketing events and promotions, being featured in a magazine and newspaper, and making television appearances. These experiences have been exciting, fun, and fulfilling for me. Now, it is time for something bigger and better than before. I have yet to reach the level of success that I had considered many years ago. I am ready to focus and move on with a healthy commitment towards reaching excellence. I have begun by nearly totally wiping out watching television. I have started the new year with the most positive attitude I've ever had in my life. I've been making my health my number one priority and have never been in better shape. Additionally, I have begun simplifying and focusing on the priorities that have often been easy to keep from becoming commitments.

Each day, we are prone to being hit by thousands of both old and new connections, relationships, messages, opportunities, and options. Thousands of people want our attention, our energy, and our love. We must remember to focus on our priorities of today and our commitments of tomorrow and not allow solicitors to knock us off track. So climb aboard, the next stop is goal-setting.

Energy: What He Drinks Affects How He Thinks

I thought I knew everything there was to know about "energy." Sure, I've never experimented with caffeine like many people may do on a daily basis: buying a few of Starbucks' best-selling beverages and feeling the "buzz" that can help one get through their day. I've also never tampered with pills like "No Doze" and rarely consume caffienated beverages like soda. What I have done recently, however, was foolishly consume four bottles of RedBull within a relatively short period of time. Like a dark and twisted SlimFast commercial, I had two with my lunch and two after a sensible dinner. Well, I now know just enough about energy to make me an expert. Well, at least to an eleventh grader.

Have you ever been up until 5:30am and didn't feel the slightest urgency to get some shuteye? No single bit of motivation to "hit the hay" other than because it was the right thing to do? I was guilty of ignoring the “buzz” behind energy drinks. I thought, “That stuff won’t work on me,” just like I treated two complimentary Ice Blended drinks at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Those two drinks did hit me, just like those two additional Redbulls hit me. So one special night, I found myself laughing to myself at 5:30am because my body successfully responded to the contents of those energy drink cans.

RedBull didn't give me wings, but a chance to glimpse into a new world of experimentation. Like Dr. Jekyll, I could attempt to determine if there was a way to cut back on the amount of sleep humans need to function well. Like Mr. Hyde, I could ignore the research that has been done and play games with my body and science. I could do a lot of things, shall I continue to move through life with the intake of more chemicals? Nah, I’ll pass.

I'm no health-nut, but for some apparent reason, I prefer to fight headaches without painrelievers, desire a better build by a healthy dose of exercise and food that is good for me, and stay away from the "bad things" I learned about in high school health classes. They never taught us about energy though, did they? Sure, nutrition was covered and probably the value of adequete sleep, but what about the power of over-the-counter stimulants like energy drinks? In the 1990s, the energy drinks that we had were Gatorade and if my memory from my VitaminWater days sustains my knowledge, Gatorade had salt in it that motivated you to drink more Gatorade. Not a bad business model, huh.

Well, the night went on and hours passed me by. I was productive and as three o’clock became four o’clock, I felt obligated to prepare for bed as I would find myself being setup for disaster. A future trip to New York City, where the time differs by three-hours, would throw me into an uncertain quandry when it came to functioning in the city that never sleeps. I chose to go to bed and lie there until I blacked out. I eventually did and perhaps it was a combination of both the chemicals and the personal achievement of not feeling tired at all at such a late hour.

Putting energy drinks aside for now, I wonder if one’s lack of productivity is affected more by their energy-levels than their lack of interest and commitment towards an action or experience. After a long day of commuting and working at the office, does a person desire to make dinner and prepare the left-overs for the remainder of the week if they are too tired to do so? Or is it simply that they wouldn’t enjoy making the effort and the overall experience of preparing, cooking, and cleaning? And, let’s not forget about the time commitment. I’ve heard that few singles like cooking for themselves, but that they would cook if they had someone else for whom to cook.

Do professionals have less energy now than they did in the 20^th century? Do they have less time as well after their work has ended? Where has all our energy gone? Oh, yeah, it’s empowering our computers.

Discipline: Commitments Tomorrow, Priorities Today

To emphasize the importance of my next topic, I stalled in evaluating it for two days. Knowing that discipline was the very thing I needed to continue my latest journey of documentation, I allowed myself to clearly halt in continueing to write about an alphabetical topic each day. It was a good learning lesson in reminding me that perfection isn’t necessary. As for letting myself go for more than a day of not writing, let’s agree that I had other priorities that prevented me from writing a few hundred words about a simple, yet life-changing word. Aside from “attitude,” I believe “discipline” is the next important tool that one needs to reach one’s productive goals.

In 2004, I came up with the quote, “It’s not a priority if you’re not doing it today.” Since 1998, my goal was “to be a motivational speaker and published author.” Two rare, but relatively basic desires – not dreams, by the way. I'm not a dreamer. Upon actually being able to give speeches and write published books, it felt as though my goals were pretty much completely fulfilled. I forgot that what I wanted was to build a career as a motivational speaker and best-selling author, not just do it a few times. Well, within the past few years, I must have forgot about “building a career” because it’s been a year since I’ve done anything significant to move forward. Sure, I’ve been able to meet those initial goals. “Been there, done that,” as they say, and there are many paths I could have taken upon reaching what was just the beginning of my career. I could have obtained a strong thirst for wanting to speak more or to speak to a different audience. I could have reveled with the desire of writing a book that millions would want to read. Well, I didn’t.

I didn’t have the desire nor did I actually attempt to progress with my sole career goal that hasn’t wavered since the late 90s. There’s only one reason why I stopped trying: a lack of discipline. See now, I didn’t give up hope, I didn’t change my career goals, nor did actively put my objectives on hold. I just didn’t have the discipline to ride the momentum of the achievements that I experienced during my speech-giving and book-writing days. Also, I wasn’t overly confident thinking that I could wait for the next opportunity. I just preferred focusing on other projects and revenue-making opportunities. Whatever came easier.

Have I been in playland since graduating from college? Having known exactly what I’ve wanted to do for years – many, many years, why haven’t I taken the entreprenuerial spirit that pushed me towards running a successful, albeit short-lived, snow removal business in high school to hit the pavement and bang the phones? Where is my best seller? For one thing, I felt that I was ahead of schedule with having my first book published at age 26. I was sure I was ahead of schedule speaking to high school students at age 27. “What’s the rush?,” I thought.

Well the well runs dry, I take a trip to Seattle with my friend, Jim, and he brings to my attention a pretty basic fact: write a book millions will want to read and people will want you to speak to them. It’s something I knew about the entire time. Motivational speakers are hired based on their education, experience, accomplishments, and/or publications; and often once their career is coming to a close or has already ended. No, no, no, I wanted to do the opposite. I wanted people to hire me and allow me to influence them all based on my basic performance skills and relatively short-term, successful background. It was not enough, though. It worked to speak to high school students, but I felt it was time for phase two.

Why continue fighting what has been time-tested and proven? Create something big and people will want you to tell them your story. Start today, start right now. Commit to creativity, to your career, and to the future you’ve invisioned all of these years. What are you waiting for? It doesn’t have to be a book, it can be a product or service. Had I been like UMaryland alumnus Sergey Brin, I’d have the ability and capacity to speak worldwide about my success of co-founding Google. Had I been like Jim Henson, another alumnus, I could tour the country speaking about “Sesame Street” and “The Muppets.” Right now, all I have to say for myself is that I’ve accomplished a good deal professionally, but I’ve so much more to do to reach the beginning stages of success – and excellence.

The moment I choose to have the discipline to brainstorm, to create something big and special, and to commit to whatever it may be will be the moment that I will begin moving towards excellence. I’ve never attempted to be excellent. I never had to be excellent. I’ve rarely challenged myself. And while I enjoy writing, I won’t pressure myself if instead of working on a best-selling book, I should find myself developing the next hit Broadway musical or online web community. Whatever happens, I want to influence millions of people, and motivate just a few hundred thousand of them to have discipline. The discipline to learn about that guy who wanted to be a motivational speaker when he grew up.

Creativity: There's a Time and a Place for Self-Expression

Creativity was the first word that came to mind when I originally developed my brief strategy for my A-Z writing project. I spent a moment considering another topic that began with the letter “c” which I could write about tonight. Two alternatives came to mind: consideration and commitment, but I felt that I didn’t have much experience with either of them to write a complete piece. Seriously, however, my first thought was that I had written about creativity years ago in my second stress management course, so why not start with something fresh? Isn’t it funny that the very thing I could have used to move beyond topics of the past was the very thing I was attempting to avoid writing about. So, given that I’ve been found guilty of not being very creative, I’ll subject myself to yet another evaluation of creativity. I should really lighten up and be easier on myself.

Music, writing, and art are wonderful ways in which I’ve attempted to be creative. While my efforts were truly wonderful, the results of my work fluctuated between absurd, sloppy, and mediocre to entertaining, professional, and delightful. Working backwards, while I would consider myself an artist, I wouldn’t share that perception with many people. My handwriting is one of my flaws, my drawing comes second in this area, and I’ve rarely attempted to create much of anything with art supplies.

My passion and special, long-term relationship and commitment to writing could have began in sixth grade when my teacher, Ms. Julie Skelton, introduced the class to writing in a journal. On Jan. 1, 1993, I began writing more extensively than a few sentences about life as a student in Leonia, NJ. In college, I documented a lot of my experiences, which could very well one day make it into book form and while all of this could be perceived as creativity, it was done for bigger reasons. Better reasons. I wanted to remember my past better given that my memory of my first seven years was a blur. I also realized that I felt healthier and happy by having an outlet such as a journal. Writing didn’t feel creative unless it led to a smirk, smile, or laugh by me while I was writing or thereafter. As for the books that I’ve written, they were certainly creative at least according to my publishers. And my Mother.

And last but not least, my musical abilities have always been creative, but I don’t think reading music and playing the piano was very creative. Perhaps that’s why I’m not good at doing that; improvision is the talent I’ve chosen. I admire people who can sightread and practically pick up any song and play it. I’m the opposite; if I can hear it, I can play it: potentially, eventually, and enough to motivate me until I lose interest. Coming up with melodies is rare for me. I’ve been playing the same self-created tunes for at least ten years. Repetition is good as it assists in never forgetting a tune, but can be bad as it can block creativity and bore others who choose to listen to you perform.

Speaking of performance, last year I learned a very valuable life lesson that continues to baffle me. Someone once mentioned to me that we mustn’t use words we don’t know how to define. Perhaps it was my sister. Well, I fell into the trap of assuming I knew all about one harmless word, created a song based on the traditional meaning over 10 years ago, and shared that song with a group of people who were only familiar with the less popular definition. “Know your audience” is the lesson I learned. It makes for an interesting chapter in a novel I haven’t written yet. A creative one at that.

Creative people impress me especially when they can do things that I cannot do, choose not to do, or simply do poorly. I connect very well with creative types based on stereotypical personality traits that I can relate to; the respect I have for their talent and productivity; and for impressing me with their abilities. Connection: a perfect word that starts with “c.” How creative of me.

Balance: Don't Ever Fall for That Balancing Act

I don’t know about you, but I often heard about living a balanced lifestyle when it came to learning about health and wellness. Doing things in moderation, leaning towards a “Type B” mentality, and looking at the big picture assisted in the simple theory of being at one’s healthiest points in their life. It’s been over seven years since I last took a stress management course in college and my perception of being balanced is different than it was back then. Before the 21^st century, there were times during my college career that I felt that I was far from having a balanced lifestyle. I yearned for a healthy dose of the five aspects of my life: academic, personal, physical, professional, and social. I recall, however, times where I battled against the clock, attempting to make up for being irresponsible with some of my courses earlier in the semester. Once I made the decision to prioritize, I didn’t balance my lifestyle, but often pulled the cord on whatever was powering an unproductive aspect of my life.

For example, I would return to the campus from spring break one year, realize that time was running out, evaluate my progress in one or two courses, and determine a significant course of action. My social life was least important to me of the five aspects of life. If I had a close relationship with a woman, my emotions, which entailed fear and ambiguity, would seal me up in a little cave. Perhaps you’ve heard about men and the caves they hide from within? Yes, sir, I preferred dealing with extremes, occassionally accepting the looming results from irresponsible academic behavior, and basking in the moment of social delight. The moment I realized I had made a bad choice or several for that matter, I’d shift my energies and efforts towards whatever I was neglected (if anything, my academic achievement) and relationships would be affected. Most often with the woman I was dating.

Now as I look back as a young professional, having spent plenty of years within the “real world,” I think I was actually balanced in college even during the times where I felt unbalanced. Looking back, I had no issues with health and wellness when it come to taking things in moderation, I just had priorities that changed based on new and better opportunities. What would you do if you were 19 and met a potential, future Miss America? At the time, my confidence was very high and that could have affected my perception of being able to handle my school work down the road when it was really necessary.

I now realize that the relationship didn’t end with her because my priorities changed, but because we weren’t right for each other. We both knew that, too. If we were right for each other, my emotions towards her and our relationship would have been as strong as they were during the beginning of the relationship. Also, I would have been able to manage my schoolwork and impending academic future with her by my side. Instead, I bolted emotionally. It wasn’t an issue of balance, but a combination of obsession, immaturity, and a comfort with extremes. Even if we had spent much time together, I still went to classes and did schoolwork. I still exercised and slept and ate well. Life was wonderful. Life was balanced.

As for the post-college years, I’ve never been in a situation where I had to cut bait and end a relationship with a woman because I had to “get with the program” and prioritize. I’ve always been prioritizing. I’ve always been balanced. Even with my supposed addiction to the Internet, I still live a healthy, well-balanced lifestyle. So much for wealth and hellness.

Attitude: Try Thinking Backwards Without Getty Dizzy

Dale Carnegie once noted that we're not what we think we are, but what we think - we are. If I could be remembered for one of a few quotes about attitude, I'd say, "If you think you're wrong, you're right." While it's not as encompassing as Carnegie's theory, it'll at least start a conversation. Even if I'm the only one in the room. Hooray for self-talk.

For many years, I've attempted to come up with creative ideas, sly phrases, and potentially productive situations, the very stuff I’d use in creating a book that is autobiographical, inspirational, and humorous. Well, I feel I have enough stuff to start working on that project but what have I been waiting for?

I recall the time that I was known as having a very positive attitude and a rare energy when in the company of other people and especially in front of an audience. As my creativity developed as a young professional writer, I considered creating a character who would be the worst motivational speaker in the industry. I didn’t have an SNL character in mind like Matt Foley, but rather someone who was the complete opposite of the stereotypical speaker – an awful communicator. This man would stop speaking in mid-sentence and forget what he was discussing. He would attempt to quote someone, but would admit not knowing who he was citing. His vocabulary would be rather fair and any appearance of being funny would not be intential. This character could be a funny one, but his effectiveness didn’t seem that powerful. Recently, I came up with a much better idea.

Within the past week, I came up with an additional characteristic of this man – he would be perceived as unyieldingly negative during his talks, but consistently have the intention of instilling positive change. A few days ago, I came up with a fundamental philosophy of such a professional speaker. Here’s how it would fly: whereas many inspirational people would suggest starting one’s day in a positive way, this speaker would suggest doing something very unusual. “Start your day thinking about two things. First, spend a moment reflecting on your top five regrets in your life. Then, spend another moment reflecting on your top five fears. Finally, embrace your losses, the poor choices that were made, and the intial, bad feelings that arise from at least briefly facing your fears.”

While many could perceive his philosphy as a negative way to start one’s day, it could, actually, be an effective way to be more productive, take responsibility for one’s actions during the following 24 hours, and face the emotions that correspond to the things in our lives that may continue to challenge us. Long after a conflict has occurred. Besides, briefly thinking about something bad could make one’s current situation better. Light example: “Sure, I’m currently unemployed, but when I recall about the short time I spent working for a local university as a slightly miserable administor, I feel much better about the day ahead of me.” By the way, he wouldn’t use light examples like that. I’m talking top five worst regrets and worst fears. Awful thoughts, even though with a positive attitude, they wouldn’t have to be awful. In my story, however, they would need to remain awful in order to benefit.

So, sure, one could ask me, “Why even consider such things? Why focus on the bad stuff when there’s so much good to consider using while working towards your attempts of reaching optimal productivity and progress?” The positive stuff hasn’t seemed to be working that much for me. Perhaps it’s the negative reinforcement that could assist in reaching one’s goals faster than the usual positive stuff we all know about. Facing our regrets and our fears on a daily basis could challenge us to break through the past towards a better future.

Many of us know what we wanted, what we currently want, and perhaps know what we’re going to end up with in the future. Imagine if you took such a negative route, but in a productive manner. I’m not suggesting being negative, but thinking about the negative aspects of your life and your past and using those emotions and thoughts towards a positive future.

If you think I’m wrong, you may be right, but it’s worth a try.