“In the small borough of Leonia, N.J., Jared Meyer was like any other entertaining young adult. His friends and family knew he could be naturally dramatic.
“Many even recommended that Jared consider taking up acting because they knew it could possibly be the perfect outlet for his creative nature. But what they didn’t know, [thunder!] was that he was acting the entire time ...”
I love watching movies! Not only because they allow you to enter the world of different characters, but also because we can often relate to and connect with those characters.
Take two of my favorites: Face Off and Fight Club. I appreciated these films immensely because I could relate to each main character’s struggle with his identity. And it was such connections that made our worlds collide.
Since high school, people have given me their honest opinions regarding my personality and complementary behavior. Throughout the years, I have heard both the good and the bad, and although the truth is supposed to hurt, it took nearly eight years for the pain to finally set in and affect me.
The suffering that I felt, however, was neither remorse nor shame. What I experienced was a good amount of internal frustration— the precise amount that motivates one to consider changing his life. Or at least his personality.
It all started during winter break. Surprisingly, on a few separate occasions, certain things I said or did or did not say or do ended up upsetting three important people in my life. As a result, my two dads and girlfriend, Stephanie, criticized me for my behaviors.
Given the series of criticism that I received, I was extremely frustrated with myself. So, using Dale Carnegie’s recommendation, I made a list of “Fool Things I [Had] Done.” I also did my usual personality and behavioral evaluation, but decided to go one step further.
Finally, I was ready to change my ways, and altering my personality would be the best way to accomplish that goal. I was committed to eliminating unhealthy and negative aspects from my identity.
Sound familiar? Enter Jekyll and Hyde. Whereas Dr. Jekyll once attempted to separate good and evil by using himself as the subject of his experiment, I, too, was finally motivated to attempt a similar life-altering experience.
I would no longer tolerate having the uncontrollable ability to upset people and was ready for my own transformation. I called my work a “Personality Project,” which can be summed up by answering three important questions.
“What did you dislike about yourself?”
This question was too easy. I compiled a list of 14 personality traits and behaviors that have either placed limitations on me or that have brought out the worst in me. I will not share them with you, but will mention that if you knew me pretty well, you probably know half of the list.
Furthermore, each trait was connected to one or two other traits on the list, so the final result of answering this question was one long ordered list of disorders.
“What the hell was your problem?”
I used my stepdad Michael’s book, The Neurotic Personality of Our Time by Dr. Karen Horney, to figure this one out. After reading through a few chapters, I eventually found one I could connect with: Chapter Four, “Anxiety and Hostility.”
The major part of the neurosis that I could relate to was what the brilliant doctor called “repression of hostility,” and I used that theory as a key element in the Personality Project. Those 11 pages were simply amazing, because I learned why my personality was experiencing disorder.
In the past whenever it came to facing a conflict, rather than expressing my feelings or even defending myself, I would most often avoid causing additional conflict by keeping my mouth shut.
Consequently, not expressing my discontent was like throwing what I call a “hostility log” into a preexisting, raging fire within me. And it was this repressed hostility that led to my overwhelming list of negative traits.
In addition, these traits contributed to my talent of being dramatic, which was a mechanism that allowed me to express some, but not all of my hostility.
“How did you overcome your neurosis?”
Surprisingly, the solution to my problem was simple, yet it was something that most people have difficulty with — acceptance. I accepted everyone important in my life for who they are and for what they have and have not done. I also accepted myself for the person I had been in the past and would accept myself in the present only after successfully altering my personality.
The powerful act of acceptance was the crucial factor in motivating me to let go of numerous grudges as well as expunge hidden feelings of resentment. Acceptance allowed me to finally put out that 22-year-old raging fire of repressed hostility within me.
After using eight years of “research” and spending the entire semester working on the Personality Project, I am ready to accept myself for who I am. That is, to accept myself for who I have recently become.
Had I not started and completed the project, I would have once again settled and would have continued uncontrollably upsetting people. This would have led to more and more disappointment on behalf of those in my life, including myself.
Additionally, if I continued choosing not to accept people for who they are, continued avoiding conflict, and continued repressing emotions, I can only imagine that my life would have been filled with anger and, eventually, loneliness.
Now that the Personality Project is completed, I am happier, more secure and a better person. Although I can still be dramatic, if I were faced with having to choose between performing in or seeing my favorite Broadway show, Jekyll and Hyde, I would rather watch it for the fourteenth time than be on stage. Why can’t everyone finally accept that? Some people never change.
Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column ran alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.
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