Hey Mom, let’s talk psychology

Psychology rocks! Finance is nice, it really is, but psychology is so cool that if I could start college over again, I would major in it. It’s so fascinating, that there was actually a time when I even seriously considered taking that dreaded introductory class, Psychology 100.

Although I’ve never taken an actual psychology class, the few health and education and human development courses that I have taken were just what I needed to spark a passion for the study of the human mind.

Looking back on my four years on the campus, I would say that the entire experience can be viewed as one huge course in psychology. Aside from analyzing many people I’ve met along the way, I’ve successfully psychoanalyzed myself to the point of self-realization.

I’ve fought for the best answers to the questions “Who am I?” and “Why am I so intense?” and I am close to completing what I call my personality project.

Keep in mind, however, that I am simply a business student, and any of my thoughts encompassed in those analyses stemmed from either what I learned in a class or from a book I’ve read.

Aside from my own research, one of the most interesting things I’ve learned in those classes is that the relationships we have with our parents ultimately shape who we are and who we may become.

Now, it’s rare that I pick up something so interesting in a business class that I include it in personal conversation. Those mini-psychology classes, however, were radically different. Everything I learned in them was awesome, so, especially after I first learned about the parent-child relationship, I mentioned it excessively in conversation many months thereafter.

The parent-child relationship, huh? I believe that a good portion of my personality can be matched to that of my mom’s. My extroverted nature, emotionality, enjoyment of relationships, and interest in communication comes from my mom’s influence on me. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Throughout my life, my mom has been both challenging and supportive, which has contributed to leading me to successfully develop into a healthy, well-adjusted young adult.

She’s done a hell of a job raising me and there are actually four aspects of life where she went above and beyond the call of duty, practicing her subtle, yet effective motherly leadership on me.

Stress management: When I experienced conflict, her powerful advice, “Get over it, Jared,” always attempted to teach me the significance of acceptance.

Confidence: When I was antisocial, her forceful comments, “Isn’t anybody around?,” “Call someone,” “Get out of the house!,” often pushed me to break through my solitary comfort zone.

Pleasure: When I focused on schoolwork, her supportive advice, “Have fun, too!,” taught me about the power of doing things in moderation and living a balanced life.

And finally, prioritization: When it came to making choices, her question, “Is it really necessary?,” allowed me to consider the reality of irrational and inefficient options.

Up until I graduated from high school, I wasn’t very close with my mom. She gracefully guided me, I was a pretty good son and not once did we fight. But we didn’t have as intimate of a relationship as she had with my sister, Samara.

Alas, poor communication. My mom and I didn’t talk much, and conversations were short and sweet. Why? On my part, immaturity and self-centeredness may have been significant factors.

While attending the campus, I fortunately grew into an adult and was able to start forming mature relationships. One of which was with my mom. I’ve been able to share conversations with her, to finally step away from focusing on my life and to establish a more interdependent relationship with her.

More and more each year, I pushed away dependence and have been able to better communicate with my mom, and therefore, I’ve been able to get to know her better. I think it’s funny that our relationship improved after I moved out of the house and temporarily relocated 225 miles away. Despite physical distance, it seems like communication really is the basis for an optimal and healthy relationship.

So there it is, a pretty light analysis of one of my three parent-child relationships. Graduation is two months away and aside from finishing up this four-year course in psychology, an additional benefit of leaving the campus is living near my family again.

By the time I return home, I will have completed my personality project, and will be even more prepared to develop my relationship with my mom, as well as the rest of my family.

It’s fun to imagine what life would be like if I had become a psychology major. Friends of mine have told me that I should consider becoming a therapist. They have also asked me to stop analyzing them, so I suppose I have a long way to go before starting a career as a motivational speaker.

After I graduate, I’m even going to consider getting a formal education in psychology, maybe even a doctorate, but it’s probably not necessary. Right, Mom?

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column runs alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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Reproduced With Permission © Copyright 2000 - Maryland Media, Inc.

Rearranging death perception

Death. Some finance majors prefer to call it “expiration,” because in many of our business classes, we repeatedly learn that when the life of an options contract ends, it is known to “expire.”

Unlike human death, however, the demise of such a business opportunity will never be feared, hated, and misunderstood. This is because the expiration of an options contract is quite elementary and simple to accept. It’s the expiration of a human life that isn’t so easy to fathom.

One of the few simple, but priceless things that I’ve learned in college is that my perception significantly contributes to the foundation of my personality. And as you can imagine, my brain, which processes the infinite things that I view, judge and ultimately value, is responsible for my behavior.

The first semester of my junior year must have been my most significant semester. During that fall, not only did I have the chance to learn about the power of massage and how not to meet women, I also had the opportunity to seriously face my unhealthy fears of death.

During the first two weeks of Dr. Schiraldi’s class, Health 485: “Ways of Knowing about Human Stress and Tension,” we evaluated mortality, its affect on the human condition, and more importantly, its affect on us individually.

Schiraldi’s simple, but powerful question, “How do you feel about your impending death?” immediately touched a nerve within me. I didn’t just fear dying, I feared even the slightest association with death.

Example: During the previous summer, I avoided going to the hospital with my friend, Meydar, to visit her ailing mother (who had almost died in a routine surgery and who was subsequently confined to a hospital bed for more than a year) because I was afraid of the possibilities.

The possibility of this sweet woman, who welcomed me into her home while I dated her daughter, facing an untimely death. Forgive me, Meydar. It was my fear of death that placed a limitation on my ability to be a supportive friend, not my lack of compassion.

As far as my perception toward my own impending death went, I had three significant fears. First, I feared not living a full life (timeliness). Second, I feared suffering until I died (mode). And third, I feared the loss on my family and friends (affect).

The timeliness of my death was the most significant fear. Like most people, I wanted to postpone my departure for as long as possible, so any thought of being “cheated” due to death caused internal conflict. The mode of my death was the next significant fear.

Imagining the thought of my life ending was bad enough, so adding duration and intensity of pain to the experience didn’t help me view my death any better. It worsened my death perception. The most selfless, yet apparently least significant, of my fears was the effect of my death on those who cared about and loved me.

It would certainly be horrible to lose my life and possibly experience excruciating pain, but considering the psychological and emotional suffering my family and friends could experience, I was set to fear death indefinitely. That is, until I die. Although I mention that this fear was least significant, consider that I am human and that carnal self-interest thrived within me.

These views toward loss, pain and suffering were repressed and were never shared with anyone until I took HLTH 485. Schiraldi believed that if one feared death he or she was “unprotected” from the fear of death stressor.

I could relate, because I felt defenseless due to my negative perception of death and that perception maintained unhealthy fears. These fears affected my well-being, my behavior and my relationships with those I cared about, but with Schiraldi’s guidance in analyzing my inner conflict, simple solutions were actually created.

The most powerful solution to my problem was expressed in a proposition on mortality that I wrote for class: “It is the nature of human reality that humans only live once, so living life to the fullest is ideal. Death is inevitable, and acceptance can contribute to inner peace. Fears about mortality can be overcome by facing them.”

We came up with three additional solutions to help eliminate those negative thoughts on death: 1) Timeliness: Focus on the quality of life rather than on the quantity of years left to live, 2) Mode: Realize that expected pain is worse than that which is unexpected, and 3) Affect: Tell those I love that I simply don’t fear death.

I took HLTH 485 14 months ago, and up until last week, I was successful in overcoming the fears of my death regarding timeliness and mode.

However, I still hadn’t overcome my fear regarding its effect on the important people in my life. I want my family and friends to know that I no longer fear death and that I live each day as though it’s my last.

In the event that I do pass on, I also want you to know that I have been content with the human condition and comfortable with accepting the reality of the end of life. The main reason I didn’t share my thoughts with you until now is because the topic is rather serious, but it no longer has to be that way. I am ready to talk about death and even laugh about it.

We hate the things we fear and we fear those things which we do not understand. Ever notice that if you rearrange your perception of “death,” you can spell “hated?” Death doesn’t always have to represent such unhealthy negativity.

Maybe at first, but we do have the option to rearrange our death perception. That’s one of the many options contracts that we have within ourselves. I just hope that you accept that if you don’t exercise your option, it will one day expire. Just like you. Just like me.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column runs alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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Reproduced With Permission © Copyright 2000 - Maryland Media, Inc.