Dating: The Exotica Experiment

Challenging yourself to take risks can be exhilarating, especially when it comes to “winning friends and influencing people.” However, the experimental process of finding your own style of approaching mysterious strangers can be rather discouraging. Have you ever gone up to a woman, told her she was beautiful, and asked her out? I tried it once and it was an interesting, eye-opening experiment — The Exotica Experiment.

In November 1998, I was determined to approach and ask out the most exotic-looking young woman on the campus. I called her, the subject of my experiment, Exotica. During the two weeks I spent planning the experiment, I asked a few female friends what would impress them if a guy approached them. Using that information, I came up with an ideal dialogue and actually rehearsed it using the acting skills I had learned the previous semester in Theatre 120.

A week before Thanksgiving break, I finally approached Exotica, thereby beginning the experiment. What a chaotic experience! I was extremely nervous and acted like a complete schmuck. This was because the pedestal I once placed her on had gradually risen higher and higher during those two weeks of planning. Memorizing my lines didn’t help either.

There’s more. I assumed I knew Exotica’s actual name because a fellow resident life employee thought he worked with her. I also assumed that she remembered seeing me during the past two semesters. Well, all my assumptions were wrong.

After introducing myself and finding out her real name, I said, “I want you to know that I think you’re beautiful and would you like to have lunch with me sometime?” I spoke to her sincerely. I also stuttered. So, did she agree to have lunch? Surprisingly, yes! So, Exotica called over to her sister who was nearby and asked about the upcoming Thursday. I assumed she was just asking her secretarial sibling for scheduling assistance. Nevertheless, the lunch date was set.

You won’t believe what happened that Thursday at 1 p.m. First, they were a few minutes late. Yes, her sister and roommate were joining us for lunch, as well as a male friend who was already in The Diner. It wasn’t going to be an intimate lunch date, but a small convention, and apparently, I was the special guest speaker. Additionally, Exotica didn’t remember my name and her roommate ended up sitting directly across from her at our table.

Despite all the oddities, I calmly accepted these surprises and we began what would be a 20-minute luncheon. Exotica was shy, but kind, and she held a relatively good conversation, as did her three guests. I couldn’t eat anything during the entire experience: I felt like a geek hanging out with the popular kids.

On one occasion during lunch, I was appropriately giving Exotica’s sister my full attention while she was talking. All of a sudden, during her final comment, she violently jerked her head towards Exotica, who was sitting next to her. It appeared as though Exotica’s sister was non-verbally communicating, “Hey buddy, don’t look at me, look at my sister. You college guys always pay more attention to me than to Exotica.” Was she attempting to help me out? Very interesting.

Anyway, Exotica and the gang finished eating. When we were left alone to say goodbye, I asked her if she would “like to try again by having lunch one-on-one.” Her response was an indifferent, “Sure,” so I asked her if she was sincerely interested in the invitation. She responded with a bit more enthusiasm, asking me if I wanted her phone number, so in turn, my response was, “Sure.” Exotica gave me her real number.

That Sunday, I called Exotica and left a voice mail before leaving for the holiday break. Upon my return a week later, I called again and left yet another voice mail, but she didn’t respond to either message. Three days later, surprised to see her walking past my home away from home, Ellicott Hall, I confidently approached Exotica, and said hello.

Exotica was indirect with me, so I questioned her about her elusive behavior. After I repeated, “There must have been a reason why you didn’t call me,” she chose the second reason I previously supplied, “Not interested,” and walked off.

After she left, I stood there smiling. I had just been harshly manipulated and rejected, but I had finally completed the experiment.

Despite the absurdities of the experiment, I did learn a few practical lessons for meeting new women: No. 1, be spontaneous (don’t think too much). No. 2, be natural (don’t act!), and especially, No. 3, take a hint when you’re given one (don’t deny indifference).

I also learned that social interactions cannot be forced and that both chemistry and similar personalities can help in leading us to harmonious coupling. I’m not only thinking of compatible levels of intelligence and sense of humor, but of self-esteem, confidence and inner peace.

Combined, these five traits make us the fittest players attempting to survive the human game of dating. Similarly, animals (even the most exotic ones) have their own dating game and they too, can make mistakes. But only we can laugh about ours. Thanks for the laughs, Exotica.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column runs alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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Reproduced With Permission © Copyright 2000 - Maryland Media, Inc.

Boy, do you all need therapy

During high school, they never said, “Jared, you need help.” They just said, “Jared, you’ve got problems.”

Well, four years later, I’m happy to admit that during the fall of 1998, I finally sought therapy to confront those problems. For an hour and a half each week for three months, a therapist helped me escape the daily stressors of life.

Instead of remaining in this chaotic, fast-paced college world, I was allowed to spend those precious moments learning about my personality and the powerful therapy I was reluctantly investing my money in. Thanks to therapy, I was well on my way to becoming a happier person with a new passion in life. That passion, my friends, was for the very thing I paid for that semester: massage therapy.

It all started when my friend, Heather, persuaded me to sign up for a massage class at the University Health Center. The class met once a week at the Campus Recreation Center and was lead by Geoff Gilbert, a certified massage therapist, who shared amazing information with us about the power of human contact and massage. He also taught relatively easy, but surprisingly effective, massage techniques to use in combating stress.

During the semester, I feared failing Draper’s infamous “Introduction to Finance” class, and so, I was experiencing high levels of stress and low self-esteem. The first class of my major ailed me, but surprisingly, taking the massage class helped me cope with the stress.

Massage was so influential because the knowledge we gained and the skills we applied during those sessions were simply phenomenal. Before our very eyes, while working with a partner, we would gradually heal each other from the stress in our lives. Whether we were giving or receiving 15-minute massages during the class, we were able to release the evil effects of stress from deep within ourselves.

Not only did we learn hands-on that massage fights stress, we also found out that massage can help EVERYONE by reducing the symptoms of depression, headaches and PMS. Additionally, Geoff once told us about a study involving college women with eating disorders. These discontented women actually felt better about their bodies after they received 12 consecutive weekly massages. Massage can alter and improve self-esteem, too. That’s some powerful stuff.

For those of you who haven’t experienced an effective massage, let me tell you what it feels like. For me, it’s often like being at the beach on a warm, summer night, sharing an intoxicating kiss with a young woman I’m crazy about, while finding out that I was only one correct answer away from an “A” in Draper’s class. Basically, it’s the second best thing to [pure bliss]. Surprisingly though, a great massage can also leave you feeling energized.

During the same semester, Heather and I saw Geoff at a Terrapin football game and he told us that both the health center and the Department of Health and Human Performance were hopeful that our massage class would be offered regularly for credit.

Six months later, the course was finally offered for three credits during the 1999 summer session and this newborn class was the most sought after in the health department. During the summer, I wanted to register for a fall HLTH 498A class, so I checked SEATS on a daily basis. To my surprise, it wasn’t offered. This summer, however, HLTH 498A is once again here to stay, but I’ll be long gone. Who knows when it’ll be offered during the fall and spring.

I suppose it’s difficult to implement a regularly scheduled course where classmates interact primarily by touching each other. Also, I understand that human contact will often be controlled in order to prevent crimes like assault, but if a massage is given properly and with good intentions, everyone can win. That’s why friends of mine who have taken the health center’s massage class continue to support it and why some of them have taken it more than three times.

The more students take a massage class on campus, the more they will be able to protect themselves from stress after graduation. Geoff once challenged us to commit ourselves to using these “life skills” for the rest of our lives to experience the long-term psychological benefits of massage.

During his first HLTH 285 class each semester, Dr. Schiraldi, instructor of the best courses I’ve taken here, recommends that students “recreate without guilt.

Forgive me, Schiraldi, for I have sinned; it has been 12 months since my last massage class. This semester, though, I am renewing my faith in massage therapy. I will no longer deny myself the power of massage simply because of the excuse “I don’t have time.”

If you are seriously considering taking the massage class on campus this semester, but feel as though you can’t handle the time commitment, imagine how productive, relaxed and energized you’ll feel after spending a good two hours in therapy. Hey, if you can acknowledge that you aren’t completely protected from stress, you have succeeded in taking the first step in preventing this self-induced suffering.

Now, take the next step before you do any more damage. See a massage therapist because frankly, you need help.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column will appear alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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Reproduced With Permission © Copyright 2000 - Maryland Media, Inc.