In November 1998, I was determined to approach and ask out the most exotic-looking young woman on the campus. I called her, the subject of my experiment, Exotica. During the two weeks I spent planning the experiment, I asked a few female friends what would impress them if a guy approached them. Using that information, I came up with an ideal dialogue and actually rehearsed it using the acting skills I had learned the previous semester in Theatre 120.
A week before Thanksgiving break, I finally approached Exotica, thereby beginning the experiment. What a chaotic experience! I was extremely nervous and acted like a complete schmuck. This was because the pedestal I once placed her on had gradually risen higher and higher during those two weeks of planning. Memorizing my lines didn’t help either.
There’s more. I assumed I knew Exotica’s actual name because a fellow resident life employee thought he worked with her. I also assumed that she remembered seeing me during the past two semesters. Well, all my assumptions were wrong.
After introducing myself and finding out her real name, I said, “I want you to know that I think you’re beautiful and would you like to have lunch with me sometime?” I spoke to her sincerely. I also stuttered. So, did she agree to have lunch? Surprisingly, yes! So, Exotica called over to her sister who was nearby and asked about the upcoming Thursday. I assumed she was just asking her secretarial sibling for scheduling assistance. Nevertheless, the lunch date was set.
You won’t believe what happened that Thursday at 1 p.m. First, they were a few minutes late. Yes, her sister and roommate were joining us for lunch, as well as a male friend who was already in The Diner. It wasn’t going to be an intimate lunch date, but a small convention, and apparently, I was the special guest speaker. Additionally, Exotica didn’t remember my name and her roommate ended up sitting directly across from her at our table.
Despite all the oddities, I calmly accepted these surprises and we began what would be a 20-minute luncheon. Exotica was shy, but kind, and she held a relatively good conversation, as did her three guests. I couldn’t eat anything during the entire experience: I felt like a geek hanging out with the popular kids.
On one occasion during lunch, I was appropriately giving Exotica’s sister my full attention while she was talking. All of a sudden, during her final comment, she violently jerked her head towards Exotica, who was sitting next to her. It appeared as though Exotica’s sister was non-verbally communicating, “Hey buddy, don’t look at me, look at my sister. You college guys always pay more attention to me than to Exotica.” Was she attempting to help me out? Very interesting.
Anyway, Exotica and the gang finished eating. When we were left alone to say goodbye, I asked her if she would “like to try again by having lunch one-on-one.” Her response was an indifferent, “Sure,” so I asked her if she was sincerely interested in the invitation. She responded with a bit more enthusiasm, asking me if I wanted her phone number, so in turn, my response was, “Sure.” Exotica gave me her real number.
That Sunday, I called Exotica and left a voice mail before leaving for the holiday break. Upon my return a week later, I called again and left yet another voice mail, but she didn’t respond to either message. Three days later, surprised to see her walking past my home away from home, Ellicott Hall, I confidently approached Exotica, and said hello.
Exotica was indirect with me, so I questioned her about her elusive behavior. After I repeated, “There must have been a reason why you didn’t call me,” she chose the second reason I previously supplied, “Not interested,” and walked off.
After she left, I stood there smiling. I had just been harshly manipulated and rejected, but I had finally completed the experiment.
Despite the absurdities of the experiment, I did learn a few practical lessons for meeting new women: No. 1, be spontaneous (don’t think too much). No. 2, be natural (don’t act!), and especially, No. 3, take a hint when you’re given one (don’t deny indifference).
I also learned that social interactions cannot be forced and that both chemistry and similar personalities can help in leading us to harmonious coupling. I’m not only thinking of compatible levels of intelligence and sense of humor, but of self-esteem, confidence and inner peace.
Combined, these five traits make us the fittest players attempting to survive the human game of dating. Similarly, animals (even the most exotic ones) have their own dating game and they too, can make mistakes. But only we can laugh about ours. Thanks for the laughs, Exotica.
Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column runs alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.
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